October #diary

I feel I have grown as a person this last year, more so than ever before. I am nomadic and for all my life have thrived to be free and go where I want. This has come before ambition and permanence. Then I sort of found myself stuck with a 5 year lease. I felt angry. As though I could not find privacy. I suppose I played victim, becoming very sorry for myself. I have felt afraid I may get hurt or worst still loved ones. As you really are a sitting target when you are attached to home and work. And being on the internet makes many who are not involved with either, become curious. So when you try to market a small bed and breakfast, you’re not just appealing to past and forthcoming guests but those are, well … just being nosy. And it’s a horrid feeling as though you are damned if you do and same if you don’t. But then we have to remind ourselves that there are those who perhaps have more spare time than others.

The internet scares me as you can put anything out there and the naive will follow. It can cause hatred and revenge. All manner of problems. But if used in the right way it can in turn help us all grow together. For instance I have been researching plant based foods and boho interiors for weeks now and I’ve made loads of mood-boards.

I sold my house in Leeds to buy a small hotel in Blackpool near to the one I lease. Like I said before, it makes sense to have everything near in terms of work as I can’t be in two places at once. I am doing it with my own money. The bed and breakfast I lease broke even with my accounts which I was surprised about as the overheads are huge. For 2020 I hope to make some profit as I want to sub-let it. There feels like a lot of jealousy around me and it’s hurtful. Note: And not from the guests. I have been blessed. Apart from a short spell of hell with a voucher site, I hope I am back on track. I work long hours sometimes 7 days a week. It’s done me good to apply myself. We are what we earn. I really beleive that and I am proud when it comes to help, for fear of it being thrown back at me. So I am going to do this myself.

I’ve set my new venture up as a Private Limited Company not to encourage nosiness but more to offset my own focus against a lease business. It is better for the accounts. Better for me to move forward. It’s not about greed, ego or wealth but more having the opportunity to give a percentage of the growth (if I am lucky enough) to the people who have held me together mentally and kindly. I have had some really bad times here, where I have felt afraid. How awful for any person to be made to feel like that just for trying to survive in this rat race. Yet, I have love around me.

I have seagulls. I have pets. It has brought me stronger with my family and I have made new friends. I will always have love but equal measures of resentment that I realise I bring to myself, as I won’t back down to bullies. Those who create unnecessary problems due to their own low self worth. We all get such difficulties, I suppose. As for me, I am inspired by greatness. It keeps me going. I am inspired by people who try hard to do what their life purpose gives to them. We all need to come together and stop driving each other apart. To not target the vulnerable. It’s wrong!

I really hope to make a success of The Nester in terms of balance, as I want a place that feels kind, warm and mine. I deserve it. I have been to hell and back. We all have our history. I hope people can send me some good vibes as I am sensitive to nastiness. There is nothing wrong with trying our best. We all have our journeys. I am not interested in the negative. I hope I do as much as I can to give encouragement to my family, friends and guests. It costs nothing to be nice, does it.

We all have to stop the media from portraying seagulls as vermin. Seagulls are intelligent loyal creatures and like any wild animal, they mess up from time to time. But you imagine being kicked away, having stones or shells thrown at you just for taking food. If we are kind to seagulls, they become our friends. Simple. So let’s not let the UK cull them. They were here long before us. I have no voice on media. I am not paying to promote myself. But for those out there who do have a voice, help the birds. Because if you don’t karma will come to get you.

Tiff. X

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